This is the time of year where family is the centerpiece to all things. Though many have forgotten this and or have chosen to ignore it for the flashier far more eye grabbing subject matter of what valued item is going to be imparted upon them by loved ones. I know we all do it, but Big Bear is here to spread some holiday wisdom for all to take and use as they see fit.
This advice is, Family. You only have one Family, no matter how idiotic, egotistical, fucked up, or just down right annoying they are, it doesn’t change the fact they are your one and only family. You can add to a family but never take one from.
Blood does not link to bond people together to make them family. Events, circumstances, and feelings all can create family. I want to take a darker look at family for moment because a friend of mine told me that doesn’t like celebrating the holidays with his family because they had suffer great losses during the holidays and that is what drives all of the feelings and conversations during this time of year for them. I thought about this for along time to see what I could offer up to help him and at first I came up with nothing. That night at work while letting my mind wonder I ponder this situation more and I turned on my thinking music or in this case my serious thinking music and the soulful sound of the blue legend B.B. King filled my night at work yet I still came up with nothing then finally as I was getting off work and was gonna admit defeat it hit me like a sack of bricks.
Death does not diminish the bonds we have with those in our family if we simply step back and take a look we can see those we have lost right there within us. Personally I have lost my mother and there I times I feel like I am alone but then I do something like I did this night when trying to help my friend that shows me those bonds with my mother are stronger than ever. What did I do you ask? I listened to B.B. King a habit I picked up form my mother when something bothered her for she needed to think or just needed to buckle down and put in the work she needed to do at the time she listened to him. I wouldn’t her favorite song by him are my favorite songs but his music is like a woven strand of that part of my life with that of my departed mother giving new life to the memories I made with her all those years ago.
So I told my friend to tell his family when they start to cry or feel deeply sadden by there loss that they have nothing to be sad about because that person is still right there with him in the faces of there parents, and children, in the memories left behind by the things still found in their home no matter how small or faded they will come anew with the magic that is this time of year.
When families get together the chinks in the armor begin to show up if you will all the tiny things wrong here or there all the little fault lines begin to show and alot of times it tares families apart. I went to visit family weekend before last and 2 of those shaky lines reared their ugly heads 1) Begin an alcoholic cousin whom I ran into at the barbershop. My instincts( a.k.a my natural mean side) said simply leave him and go about my business but I remembered that he us family and I only have one family and his mother would not approve of me leaving him, so I trudged through the mountains of alcohol slurred retorts and argumentative statements and took him home not with out a lot of repeating my self and creative negotiations however. Afterward albeit more annoyed and agitated I sudden felt better warmer and all the angst, agitation and anger washed away. That next day I went to see his mother and though her advanced age has claimed much of her memories and mobility she still hugged me greatly and thanked me for taking her of her baby boy even though he is almost twice my age. and that is when I realized just how important and irreplaceable family is no matter their faults.
So please don’t let your family divide let them know there importance not just to you but to everyone in your family this holiday season and maybe you to can partake of this bear warm and fuzzy feelings this year because as I have stated before and you should remember…You only have one family