Things Men Should Know 2: Found In The Sock Drawer

Fellas we all have hidden our treasure trove of playboys, hustlers, that warn out VHS(just dated my self OYE!!), pocket knife, that first sweet hearts picture, and anything else mom wasn’t supposed to find in the sock drawer, box under the bed that loose attic step or any where else our teenage pubescent mind thinks is safe. But as the divines would have it, it is always found some of us lucky to have it found by dad(sadly not me I lived with ALL WOMEN!!) but others of us are found out by mom and of course she freaks and we get “THE TALK”. So in the vein of such manly endeavors I have compiled a bit of advice for the modern man and the sexual activities and desires we all strive to fulfill.

Numero uno the simple catch and release, more men have screwed themselves out of return “fishing trips” with the catch and release. So you have spit your prime game and hooked that special someone and then you go to your place and enjoy the fruits of your labor(mom would be so proud… 😛 ) but then when finished you scoot her up and out and now all her girlfriends who frequent the same establishment you both use bait and tackle will know your uncouth treatment of the most precious natural resource known to mankind…the ladies. As a former Catch and Release fishermen in my college days I found out something so candy it should be illegal for us men to have it at our disposal, drum roll please……cooking, and cleaning. I know its fucking crazy right? Wrong most solo night fishing trips end at the first soft a squishy place you land whether its a couch chair or the kitchen counter top and if there is last weeks pizza splatter on it or a month old pile of chinese food nestled under a cushion you won’t be getting to far. “Cooking?” you say well aren’t you hungry after a epic battle against that prize piece…WELL SO IS SHE DAMN IT! and ramen noodles, easy mac and the occasional micky d’s wont cut it so go visit mom and pick up some pointers my personal favs the fat stuff homemade cheesy mac and cheese with bacon, something baked (preferably before hand) or something quick a salad or chicken or something. you may think less of me but the food network is your little lures friend and who knows she may come back for the pie and bring a friend ;).

On that note the elusive threesome, on that I will say this if you get that chance DON’T SAY SHIT!! your mouth will go 13yrs old on your ass and kill your chances faster than you shot into that sock oh way back when. Just roll with the punches and for god sake curb your enthusiasm or you will find your night ending much earlier than it would have other wise so if the possibility is high get off a quick one before you go out and if you need me to explain that shit then you should definitely be reading this blog post.

Now lastly if you are like me and love the bigger ladies for the love of god don’t be like me and try to hide it(when i was younger ladies i was foolish I’ll admit it), this love of the big beautiful women is nothing to hide in fact be open about it. Those big and beautiful women will make sure your drinks come free(and never stop), that after the fishing is done you will eat well and get a 2nd or 3rd fishing trip that night if you last long enough. also if you find that the strain is to much and fall asleep after trip 1 don’t worry they will make sure you finish the task at hand come the morn and out of all the ladies in this world they WILL tell their friends and aren’t to shy about bringing one over next time you go out(see above for references as to what the hell I am talking about if you are now lost)

Now I know I said above was the last but this has been bugging me for some time and didn’t make it into the first “Things Men Should Know” post. *exhale…deep inhale* ALL YOU FUCKING CLINGY ASS, WHINY BITCHY EXCUSES FOR MEN NEED TO CUT OFF YOUR OWN TESTIES AND CHOKE YOURSELF, THAT IS IF YOU CAN FIND THEM! I am so tired of guys complaining about what their ol’ladies wont do or don’t do anymore when the hell was the last time you gave out a little head to your lady if you want her to return the fucking favor. washed dishes lately? the laundry? any sort of household chore other than sitting on your ass watching the playoffs? It don’t have to be often and it don’t have to be everything at once something here or there will make her loosen up faster than tequila makes her cloths fall off. Being a man entails somethings they don’t cover in sex ed or “THE TALK” and Big Bear is here to dish out the lessons for this class. a relationship is tit for tat, give to get, love to be loved. Not following her around with a hard on like a bitch in heat. Teenagers do that in high school not 20 something’s who claim to be men for the love of fucking god sake.

Alright Big Bear is out hope you learned something and ladies, you weren’t supposed to read this far and since you are here act surprised when he does those things you like no matter what they may be and let him have a taste of the good stuff for his troubles huh? what do you say?

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10 Movies Men Should See…Twice!

Well here are 10 movies men should see…twice and I have seen these more times than I can count 😉 Bear tested and father approved

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A Fist full of dollars Eastwood at his ass kicking, gun wielding finest and we men could learn alot from a guy who will punch a chick in the face and make a mends by ransoming her off for money then causes the utter

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Expendables what can I say so much awesome in this movie you could use the blu-ray to shave with– “what’s he doing?” “looks like he is gonna hang a pirate?” “hey what are you doing?” “gonna hang a pirate…”

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Best Post western era of Eastwood’s career men gotta watch but you can take the ladies to trust me they will like it and the sounds track features a song sung by Eastwood and its hauntingly awesome

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If I have to tell you why this tombstone is awesome, then two things Snake Pliskin  and Batman

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Some one dies and comes back with an eyepatch in machete enough said

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In Faster The Rock Shoots people in the face and drives a sweet ass car + has a knife fight in a strip club with an ice pick

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on the cover walking tall he is carrying a 2×4 in the movie he wields that same 2×4 any questions?

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Its Indy baby young ford as a whip whipping Nazi ass kicking treasure hunter with a thing for college chicks how the hell more manly or American can you be?

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Red hill is one of the best modern western I have seen in along time and nothing beats revenge by shotgun

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speaking of revenge by shotgun Hobo with said shotgun is so over the top ridiculous murder death kill spree you wont know were the blood starts and ends

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Crazy murderous monsters hump and kill there way through 3 movies ending with a giant robot, perverted old man and a mariachi band interested yet

10 Movies Kids Should See…Twice!

Yeah so on half of these movies I am going to be dating my self horribly but oh well there good shit for kids made a bear out of me dang it 😉

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Pirate treasure and super sloth no better buddy movie for kids

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You tell me a bunch of acid tripping teddy bears that spew rays of light out there bellies as gangsta as the carebears? that is what i thought

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Disney at its finest and it teaches you the benefits of oatmeal cream pie little debbie cakes and why nerds rock

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its a witch with a talking cat coming of age tale and there are air ships, flying bikes(sorta) and the artwork is amazing

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Spirited away is probably Miyazaki’s finest work plus there’s dragons and food that turns you into a pig

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Halloween at Christmas time Burton has done nothing finer since this is what a good film, a classic film truly looks like

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A modern feast for the eyes and imagination what other movie has dragons and vikings and is for kids huh? don’t worry the Bear will wait

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A super hero family movie and Sam Jackson is in it can you get any cooler?

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We All had that big ass dog on the block that ate all that came near him and somethings it just inhaled and this movie shows you what happens when that dog interferes with our love of sports

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Race for your life charlie brown is not my favorite but I think it has a great cover and I couldn’t find snoopy come home. The Peanuts are a classic is there ever was one and will last the test of time besides snoopy flies as the red baron on his dog house what?

My Feline Army Boot Camp 2011

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Ambush Ready

A Little recap of the extensive training my Feline army went through in 2011, you must be warned the content of this training recap is fast, furry, and lethal. 😉

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Line at the chow hall

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Ground Combat Technique training for the new recruits

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Our scouts putting there surveillance training to the test...mostly

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Terrain captured overwatch position setup sir

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Advanced Ground Combat Techniques

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Down for a little R&R

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Work hard play hard or in this case sleep hard

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Night Vision Active

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Ah! I smell buck privates

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World domination research from FDO source material in progress

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Combat Ready

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Active Camoflauge is a go

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Cat-Tonimo Box

Choices

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You know having been in the military for 5+ years I have had to make some serious and life changing decision but the only victim of the fall out would and was always ME. Yet two years after my separation from the active military service I find myself at an in pass. I have to make a choice that will effect my life, and the lives of those involved in a deep and changing way, and I know not what I must do, not what direction to go. What makes this so hard is, that it holds the fate of a child in the balance whether their life will change around for the better or descend further in to the miasma that has become the young life they lead.

I have many tattoos but the biggest and the one I thought the most about is the one on my shoulders. It says “Choices”, I chose that because I wanted something to remind me and represent the twists and turns in life that we all must face. Never in my wildest moments of deep and spiritual thought did I ever think I would be faced with such a manifestation of this belief of mine. This also brought up another belief of mine that I read about in the teachings of the Taoist philosophy. This part of the teachings was called the way of water, where is says we strive to be like water and go not where we want but where the path in front of us leads and to were we are needed.

Things in life never turn out as simple or uncomplicated as we would like, this fact of life is something that becomes more and more prevalent as I grown older, wiser, and well more like my mom 🙂 the scariest part about that is how right those before us are and I just hope I can keep up with that timeless tradition.