Troubles, and turmoil led one to a impasse

Sigh it seems like very damn time i get back in to the swing of things I get hit with some things worse than what kept me away before. Thing were looking fantastic as AFO hit and passed college was on the horizon and i was planning to complete my degree and try and see what this adult thing was all about. hehe, well as fate would have it that was not in the cards. So I am back tail between my legs, head spinning, and feel well to put it bluntly like a failure. I can’t really put it any other way. I had pumped myself up and got so geared up for things to finally starting moving in a more positive direction. I mean even with the gaps in content because of life this blog and my podcast have done well the past year. With the degree i as gonna get(because I knew and still know I would and will get it) it would have lead me to a career in just this sorta of field this new media field, and a life of production. Well now i am back to square one or at least were I was before attempting college for the second time. Maybe when i can get that third time it will be the charm. If you need the gritty details of what actually happened with school check out the Bonus Episode of the podcast its not the usual just me but I felt i had to, so that those who care about me and know me and worry about me didnt think i was giving up. I wont lie as I moved my things out of the dorms I almost did give up. I hurt so badly but enough of this. Just know I am back and still pushing onward and trying to see how this all will settle thank you for being patient, all of you. Thank you for not forgetting about this old veteran bear. I still got some kick left and i plan to kick some ass and take some names though I will probably misspell them but hey at least i am trying right lol(ok bad joke) Iwill be posting like a mad man here and at Talk Nerdy 2 Me so get ready. It the punch you don’t see that drops you and I got dropped pretty damn hard but with legs still wobbly I am gonna take off. Alta Mae’s boy has never been a coward and I wont stop fighting now. Again thank you all for being crazy patient and uber caring.


5 comments on “Troubles, and turmoil led one to a impasse

  1. Sending lots of ((goodvibes)) and love your way, Bear. Sorry things aren’t going well, but you’ll be doing GREAT things before you know it. Hang in there. ❤

  2. All I can think to say to you is worth shit in the face of what you’re going through. I would love to be able to find the words to comfort you.

    So I’ll just tell you about this old bitch’s experience with college. Might not be of any help to you, but it might just give you some comfort that you’re not being a failure. Those circumstances are way over your power to change. The big administrative machines have no heart and work at their own paces.

    First time I tried, I was kicked out for being the lousiest student in the place. After 3 semesters. It was an art degree and I couldn’t draw for shit. I thought they would teach me, but since I was making the department head look bad, he threatened to give me zeros on all my classes if I didn’t drop by myself. Ethical? Nope. Helpful? Even less.

    Second time, I went back while working evenings carrying money full time. I slept little and worked my ass off. I loved library sciences. Got really good grades and was first in my class even if the head department had told us that someone working more than 12 hours a week wouldn’t be able to follow. I was working well over 50 hours a week. I did 5 semesters with 90s all over. Then my 25 yo roommate and coworker gets a heartbreak and shoots himself in the head. Which devastated me. Had to take a sick leave for major depression, both from work and school. Work was obvious since I worked with guns and they had to make sure I wouldn’t do the same as he did. A year later, I was ready to go back to school and do my last semester. Guess what? During that year they made major changes to the program. More than half my credits went down the drain. I had to start all over again. Never did.

    So yeah, I loved college. Would go back in a heartbeat. Because I’m tired of working in a shop for low wages. But I’m going toward 47 and I don’t have the courage, health or money to try again while having to work full time. So instead I make myself helpful in the indie community. I proofread books and edit audio for nothing, but it gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

    I could tell you to stay strong and that things will happen in their own time and blah blah. I won’t. You know all that. But I’m going to say I’m proud of you however things turn out. And that I care about you.


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